


Rehabilitation Toward True Freedom

by Akan0_P



Series: Akira's "Unwavering" Temper [2]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Anger, Angry!Ren, Dark Thoughts, Depressed!Ren, Depression, Family Fluff, Gen, Hospitals, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm sorry that Akechi is not present, Loss of Personas, Near Death Experiences, No yelling this time, Parties, Pep talks, Personas, Potential Palace?, Pretty spoiler free(?), Rehabilitation, Ren is struggling, Ren realizes he has friends, Rethinking Life, Shadow fighting, Shadows - Freeform, Shido's palace, Texting, cursing, friendly fluff, help the poor boy, holy shit, if you squint there's Akiryu, kinda gay, no igor, no velvet room, well it's there just not there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 16:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14773232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akan0_P/pseuds/Akan0_P
Summary: He's fallen so far, it feels there's no lifting the weights cast upon his shoulders. But then somethings clicks.





	Rehabilitation Toward True Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I'm sorry that I haven't been able to update sooner. It's partly because I have exams coming up and I've been working on part two for a while, and partly because this is not my greatest writing. It's really sloppy in my opinion; it's basic, crude, has little to no plot, and generally, I'm not proud of it. Originally, I wanted to make a story where Ren would go through some serious mental trauma or something of the sort, and make him fall off balance with his team, but I failed to represent that properly. So props to those who think this two-part series is enjoyable, and thank you for reading. (Don't worry, this isn't the last time I'll be writing angry!Ren :)

_Badump. Badump. Badump._ Ah, there it was. Every ‘badump’ was followed by a beep from what could easily be interpreted as a heart monitor. Onyx hair and slate-gray eyes were shaken from their dreams. Said slate-gray eyes opened to a blinding white light. Ren flinched and, once his eyes were able to focus, looked around the room. A hospital room. His friends chattered to themselves beside him with worried features. He could only rely on the situations he concocted in his head for any sort of answer. Ren’s throat felt dryer than a dessert

__

“W-....Water..” he rasped. Ryuji was the first to notice his awakening.

“You’re awake!” he cried.

“Thank goodness, we were so worried…” Makoto held a shaking hand over her chest and a relieved sigh came from her. 

Everyone crowded around him. Had they not heard his request?

“Water...I need water.” he whisper-yelled, struck with a sudden tiredness he hadn’t felt since awakening to Arsene. 

“R-Right!” Futaba knelt over the nightstand and got Ren his water, holding it up to his mouth for him to drink. Never had a clear, tasteless liquid felt so refreshing. Once his voice didn’t sound like he crawled his way from the pits of hell, he spoke with a downtrodden face.

“What happened…? Why am I here..?” He questioned fervently.

Panther took the initiative, “After you ran up to your room we all stayed downstairs and discussed. We sent Morgana up to check on you, but he figured he should leave you alone. Then we heard a loud thud and when we rushed up to see what it was..” she paused, “we found that you had collapsed on the floor...the doctor said it was probably due to stress... “ Glistening teardrops rimmed her eyes, “we’re so, so sorry, Ren...About all of this…”

Stress, hmm? That makes sense. It would be the biggest lie he’d ever tell if he said the last few months hadn’t been dreadfully laggard and difficult. For now, he was left to his own thoughts. The shadow-haired boy stared at the white bedsheets so intently, one might think he’s actually left Earth. But instead of fantasies, worries ran rampant. He did not feel ready to forgive...much more forget. As much as Ren hates to admit, he feels the sole backbone of his team while the others just ride leisurely on his coattails. It’s very unfair once he thought about it. He had to fight through it all. While the other team members sat in the safe rooms when they weren’t in the current party, he worked like a dog. Don’t mistake, they tried to fight without him on the team...but everytime the shadows found their way back to the wildcard, like a dog following a trail. 

“How long was I out?” the slate orbs never left their place on the bed sheets

Yusuke broke his quiet stance. “About a day or so.”

“Oh, goddammit…”  
____________________________________________________________________________

And just like that he was discharged from the hospital. He swore if he stayed in there any longer he would’ve ripped out his own IV and marched out. But he knew better. It was just nearly impossible to contain his raging emotions after previous events. And his multitude of personae helped none. 

Ever since Ren was hospitalized, Morgana was staying at Ann’s place. She volunteered to take him home because she, too, knew that all their dear friend needed was some time to himself. Ren had to say, without a cat constantly rustling around in his bag telling him what to do or shooting snide remarks, it was really lonely. 

The young teen walked down the busy streets of Shibuya, phone in hand, as the Phantom Thieves worriedly chat amongst themselves about the next time they were going to invade Shido’s Palace. Unbeknownst to them that their leader was watching. 

RS - It sucks that leader was hospitalized...i guess all we can do is sit here n’ wait

AT - Yea...i feel ya. But he really shouldn’t be doing anything. Ren needs rest

MN - I agree.

RS - ugh this is making me antsy-- i wanna do somethin’

RA - I’m fine, let’s go to the Palace.

YK - Dreadfully sorry to intrude, but you need your rest. How will you recuperate without it?

HO - There you are, Ren~! Yusuke is right, sadly. You really should rest. 

FS - Yea! Last thing we need is you getting hurt and hospitalized again. XD

Again.

Ren shouldered his bag and shoved his phone in his jean-pocket. If they weren’t going to pick up the slack then he was. Tapping the red Metaverse app, he transported himself to the entrance of the Great Ark. Alone. It’s not like he needs them anyway. Just adding dead weight on his already-heaving shoulders. It was then that a slew of ‘what if’s swirled in his mind. What if all these negative actions lead to him being alone again? What if he loses his friends? What if he goes through another depression spell? What if the persona-user rules don’t apply to him? 

_What if he’d developed a Palace?_

__

The more he thought, the more scared and anxious he made himself. So, he shook them off, tugged at his tailcoat lapels, and straightened his posture, promenading through the Palace doors. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Funny things, Palaces are. But Ren wasn’t dumb. He knew going into a palace alone was practically suicide, but living in the shadows of his morals, deep down that’s what he hoped for. It might’ve been the knowledge that he would be leaving so much behind, he guessed, that prevented him from doing so.

After many long fights with shadows, he decided to avoid them all together. Using his own SP to heal himself and trying to dodge enemy attacks at the same time left much to be desired. Slowly but surely, he made his way through Shido’s Palace...Then the five-card door appeared before him. Basalt eyes scanned every nook and cranny, but to no avail. The onyx-haired boy could almost see his teammates behind him, discussing a plan...but he knew it wasn’t real. He knew he’d come here of his own volition, hoping to find something, anything that answers his internal questionnaire. But he realized that this was all for naught. As much as he didn’t want to admit, he needed his friends, but...did they need him? Was he really the upstanding, justice-oriented, devil-may-care leader they’d made him out to be? Or was he a lump of dead weight donning multiple masks and throwing an array of plays on the stage? Surely the Joker they know would use his energy wisely, and articulate his strengths and weaknesses to exploit his enemies. To that, he didn’t know.

Which shadow would take his life, he wondered. King Frost? Cerberus? Kurama Tengu? And as it turned out he had been too deep into thought to realize that a shadow crept up on him, and ambushed him from behind. He lay on the hard felt of the carpet, his hands used as a bolster for the rest of his body, and his eyes trained on his bleeding midriff. Not good, his head howled at him. But only seconds later, the satisfying sound of a metal blade whipped through the air, obviously weld by an experienced swordsman. Yusuke. Following Yusuke was where the other Thieves leered. There was a mix of angry glares and worried eyes. He sighed and got up, trying to hold him, and his mask together. 

“What are you doing here? I could’ve managed just fine.” A lie.

Oracle’s glare pierced through his facade, “Bullshit!

A jumbled din of “you could’ve died” and “what would we do without you” grazed his ears.  
What would they do without him? Where did his confidence in his skill set go? Where did his arrogance go? When did his mask crack? What are his friends’ names? What things does he like to do? Who is this man? Who is Ren Amamiya? Who am I?

At that moment, he realized what ensued in his head was more pertinent to the situation than whatever his fellow thieves had to say. It seemed like they picked up on his not-listening play. Ryuji ran a hand through his hair.

“C’mon, dude...you can’t just go off running through a palace like this. You’re hurt.” 

His vision became blurry, his eyes drifting in and out of a dream-like state shifting from visuals of Leblanc to the vibrant blue hues of the Velvet Room. He tried to summon a persona, but his masks became nothing but fog in his mind. He knew in the back of his mind that Igor was laughing at him. 

Ren stumbled over to Ryuji, grabbing his bicep and using it to hold himself up. Ryuji hooked his arms under Ren’s arm pits and lifted him so that Ren could lean on him. A careful hand was placed on the Trickster’s quivering shoulder.

Ren panted the entire way back to the entrance, his legs hurt, his head throbbed, his arms felt like jelly, and his midriff burned in due to the pretentious milieu of the palace.

______________________

When he came to, he was scrunched up in one of LeBlanc’s wooden booths, his friends talking beside him.

“It seems he’s come to,” Makoto whispered. Everyone turned toward the onyx boy. 

“Ren,” Ann began, “I hate to say it...but that stunt you just pulled was incredibly stupid.” The group agreed. He said nothing, did nothing. He sat there, taking all of the criticism with a bowed head.

“You’re being to rash...Remember what I said before? That we shouldn’t jump into things so carelessly?” Yusuke’s eyes were like cold steel, glaring him down with an intensity second to none.

“You...You h-helped me! So--so why are you making yourself...s-suffer?” Futaba sobbed in the arms of Makoto who tried to calm her down, rubbing circles on her back. She turned to him.

“She’s right. You’re our leader, we trust you. So why do you keep pushing us away?”

“I…” But he couldn’t find any words.

“Ren, you’re my best bud...I don’t know what I’d do without ya. We just want you to be happy again, man! You found us a place to belong, now it’s time we found yours.” Ryuji smiled at him, giving Ren a thumbs up, “honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you...my place is next to you...so your place is next to me.” A miniscule blush coated the black-haired boy’s face as he curled a loose strand of raven hair around his index finger. 

“..Yeah.” He muttered sheepishly.

“Stop running from your problems, instead, face them head on, with us at your side,” assured Makoto.

“You’re such a hypocrite, you know that!” Futaba yelled at she wiped her tears, “please, get your head out of your ass, Joker!”

He chuckled. “Joker, I’ve been with you from the very beginning,” Morgana began, “I’ve seen you help many people through thick and thin, and it amazed me. You have no right to be blaming yourself for false failures! Look beyond your weaknesses and focus on your strengths! C’mon, this is the most basic of basics, Joker! What have I been teaching you for the past eight months!” He howled. 

Ren thought quietly to himself, processing the words thrown at him. _Maybe...Maybe this is where he was meant to be._ He scanned over the group of people sitting before him; these people that did not deserve someone as lowly as he. _But no,_ he thought, _these are my friends. My friends. I can’t forget that._ He could hear Arsene’s haughty chuckle ring in his ears again. How good it was to be back. _You’ve done quite well, Ren,_ he could feel an invisible clawed-hand patting his head, _I am thou, thou art I, thou hast reawakened the contract of the Fool, Show the strength of thy will to ascertain all on thine own, though thou be chained to Hell itself!_

__

After feeling the power course through him again, he looked up to see Ann smiling, “Oooh, how ‘bout we have a party for him! Like uhh...a ‘we love you’ party!”

__

“I would enjoy that,” Haru said, sipping her coffee. 

__

“Then it’s decided.” Makoto mused.

__

____________________

__

_This is where you belong,_ Arsene droned in his mind, _cherish the bonds that stand before you, never forget the contracts you have sealed._ Ren nodded. He could feel the love radiating off his friends, and he couldn’t feel any happier. He felt he’d finally overcome his internal turmoil. It was time to restart.


End file.
